Relationships and Change

What happens when you decide to change?

When you follow up with your plans for personal growth and change, there’s bound to be a consequent change in your closest relationships. The other side to your changes/growth is it may be threatening to a friend who is uncomfortable with change or just felling a little insecure. You may find yourself facing unspoken messages that say, "Change back! Don’t grow because I don't want you to!"

If this happens, you will face an odd decision what to do. You may choose to return to your old self and not change.

If you reach an impasse and the situation gets too rough, you may choose to leave the relationship or you may choose to take the risk of change and work toward helping your partner change. Of course, it won't be helpful to push her or him into change. It has to be seen as something desirable, so painting a visual and verbal picture of the benefits both of you would receive is probably the way to go.

Be patient and persistent, and try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Demonstrate self-respect and respect for your significant other as well. If real caring and intimacy exist in your relationship, almost any change can be worked out, and will eventually be another reaffirmation of your love and commitment to each other.

Musing - Getting Things Under Control

Do you ever feel like your life has gotten out of control? Some days, it's easy to feel that way and we’ll all feel that way some days.

No matter you set goals, how hard you visualize results and affirm a positive outcomes, every once in a while your going to feel like life’s has one off the rails. Carefully laid plans in tatters. People you relied on, abandon you. A health or family crisis, a financial surprise or an earthquake puts you back to square one.  Suddenly you feel as if you're out of control, and lost at sea.

At times like this, there are a few things it may help you to remember. First of all, no one can control every aspect of his or her life, and adversity comes to all of us, no matter how moral we are, and no matter how good our attitude is. Bad things happen to good people all the time.

Second, it's important to realize that there is one and only one thing in life that is completely within your power to control, and that is your response to what happens to you. When you find yourself overcome with feelings of fear, helplessness, doom and gloom, you can put the brakes on these feelings by gently but firmly choosing to shift the focus of the thoughts that are running through your mind.

Your feelings are a direct result of the thoughts you think, and setting aside some time every morning and evening for positive visualization, affirmation, or guided meditation is a highly effective way of getting these thoughts back under your control again. Try it. You will be surprised at just how well it works.

Forget Users, External Customers is where its at.

Are you a victim of the internal customer, the one that is forever changing their mind chasing the next big thing? You spend months streamlining processes using cross functional teams delivering IT systems that provide the business outcomes you set out to achieve. Another successful project brought in on time and on budget. Yet many of these celebrated project never will fulfil their full potential as they often forget include the external customers (suppliers, paying customers, etc.).

over the years we find ourselves into serious trouble when we focus too much on the end user of the software application being designed. You tend to focus on making it an easy as possible for the internal employees to do what's expected, the internal management team are pleased that their teams are being catered for. Don't you want to make it easy for your external customers to deal with you, streamline the supply chain. all to often the two objectives are in direct conflict.

Creating a self-service mindset within your design processes, regardless if you've adopted enterprise architecture, you can offset many of the process tasks to the most practical. Purchase order progress maintained by suppliers; credit limits, overdue accounts visible to paying customers. If you start with the external view then move inward to where you have greater influence then you will stand a greater chance of delivering 'real' value and lasting significant benefit. Don't rely on your internal users to hold the answers to the best solution. Obviously you need to ensure they are consulted and informed, but the drive needs to be outside in.

That's right, no more internal-only applications. If you are looking at HR expense management, your billing systems, or revamping the inventory management systems, everything impacts your external customers. everyone needs to understand that success must be measured from multiple view points. Be brave an challenge some of the businesses practices you could save huge amounts by removing costs and building relationships with the outside world. 

Is the Team Leaning to the Left or Right?

Over the coming weeks I will be looking at how teams are, or aren’t, formed. I am sure most of you will know of the Forming, Storming, Norming and Performing first proposed by Bruce Tuckman in 1965, if not I am sure I will post something about the theory in the future.

In many situations we will find ourselves having to work in teams and if we are to believe most of the commentary on the future of the workplace, we will forced into many short-term teams to deliver a specific outcome. The team will then be disbanded in order to form news teams.

Tuckman’s model works well as an academic theory but what if the team is unbalanced. Initially, I’m not looking at when one or more members of the proposed team are disengaged with the anticipated outcome this will come later. What I would like you to consider is the “sidedness” of each individual members thinking. No, not their political bias!

Is the group more left or right brain focused?

This can be described simply:

Left                              Right

A: Facts                       C: Future

                        +

B: Form                        D: Feelings

(I shall put a proper drawing in later)

If you have a team where the left is dominant then you may find that spark and creativity are stifled as there will be a reluctant to take the leap of faith required to make a significant change.  Conversely, if the dominant view is right side biased the team may run away with ideas without grounding or little substance leaving the entire team in jeopardy.

Both options ultimately result in the team never reaching the desired outcome or if they do it will be after a considerable number of failures or a significant extension to the deadline as all potential risks  need to be considered be planned for. I am in no doubt that we have examples of this is our lives, projects that over run by years or are on time and deliver very little in the way of benefits.

How do you avoid being caught in the paralysis of the left-right brain struggle? First thing to do is take a step back and have a look at how the team thinks. Are they left focused or is it a right leaning team? Who has the power to within the team, is it the push forward into the future or put the brakes on as I still have questions? Remember the biggest hurdle to overcome is your own bias, if you don’t what that is yet maybe that is where you should focus your time.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions.....!!!

Do you sometimes wonder how to make great decisions? What do you do when when you're not sure where to start? Let me tell you a story about me, my brother and some cars.(stick with me it will make sense)

many years ago both me and my brother decided that we needed a classic convertible "toy" car for the summer. Not only so we could look great with the roof down but as a little engineering project. We approached  our decisions in very different ways, I looked for something same and easy to store: an MG Roadster. My brother on the other hand fancied something a bit more full bodied: a Triumph Stag, clearly he has more room in his garage and was thinking of using the car not just when the sun was shinning.

As the search took shape my brother found a good looking white Stag and after some haggling paid £1000. It looked and sounded great, it had a couple of odd rust spots but nothing that a bit of hard work couldn't resolve. Me, I struck it lucky when I found a Roadster with only two owners, father and son, had been kept in a garage since new and still had all the original leather covers. After having a new soft-top made and fitted the total cost of £2000.

The first summer we both enjoyed our purchases, the weather was definitely made us feel we had made wise decisions. Once the frost of winter passed we began the annual service and road worthiness checks. This is when the story started to change as my little MG only needed minor work; oil, brakes pads, etc..(don't worry not going to get technical), unfortunately my brother didn't have a  spring in his stride when he spoke to the mechanics.

"OK, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news we know why you had trouble changing gears, the bad news is it will cost £750 to fix."

Well my brother had little choice but to agree and handed over the cash. Both now cars fully functional and summer looming, we used our toy cars everything the sun shone , but the winter arrived all to soon and they were put away until the new year.

When spring arrived and the maintenance regime began my brother noticed a rattling from the rear of the Stag. Another conversation with the mechanics left him with a quandary.

"We've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is we have found the cause of the noise, your rear axle mounts need replacing. Bad news is it will cost £1000."

This is a difficult question to answer as my brother knew that the Stag in good condition was worth £2500, but if he didn't fix the axle the car would be worth £1500 at best. Either way he is going to lose money what should he do, sell the car as is and cut his losses or fix the car?

I know what happened in real life but what would you do?

We're Open for.....

This is the inaugural post for this blog. I now announce this blog open and may all that read her enjoy the journey.